Efficiently evil

Why is the parody so late? Well... sorry guys, but I honestly had a hard time making fun of it. It was... so surprisingly creepy, a Wham Episode if there ever was one. The excessive drama WORKED for once. So it took a while, sorry.

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Bleach 453

-Ulquishima, aka Tsukishima: OHAI THERE. Been so long since last time, man >8D
-Ichigo:
-Yuzu: He dropped in earlier, because we totally know him!
-Karin: Yerp, same ol' Shuu-chan
-You know what would be funny? If they really were cousins, and everyone had just kept it from Ichigo.
-Ulquishida: Am I being too much trouble?
-He\'s got Ichigo\'s family hostage, and he's loving it. You gotta love that smug kind of assholery in a villain.
-Ichigo: OMGWTFBBQ
-Dramatic SHIRT GRAB!
-Ichigo: WTF Y U HERE NAO?
-Yuzu & Karin: WTF are you doing? He's our FRIEND!
-This is getting freaky...
-You know what? This is not good parody material. This is not very stupid, and way too serious.
-Ichigo: OMFG what did U DO TO YUZU AND KARIN?
-Well, Ichigo's face is always good parody material...
-Ulquishima: It's okay girls, he's probably just tired and get the doorbell, I am bringing the rest of my brainwashed posse with me
-Tatsuki: Hey, ICHIGO! I hear you've been staying out late and at odd hours lately!
-So he's been behaving like he has the entire series, then.
-Evryone: Shuu-san, what up?! We totally know you!
-Ulquishima: I called them all over so I could see their faces again. And by see their faces, I mean making you squirm as you see me planning to kill them all
-You know... Ichigo's increasingly horrified face is actually having a dramatic effect this time. You can tell he's mortified of what Ulquishima is doing. Huh.
-Ulquishima: Now to add to my evilness: Let's bring in Orihime and that Mexican Guy! They are truly important characters!
-OFFSCREEN PIMP SMACK!
-Ichigo kept that pimp hand strong, I see.
-Everyone: OMG TSUKISHIMA
-...and now, Ichigo's face went from honestly dramatic to hilarious, as he says...
-Ichigo: WHAT DID U DO TO MY FRIENDS
-This is a suave move- without his friends, he won't be able to power up on the Power Of Friendship!
-Ichigo: TSUKISHIIIIMMAAAAA
-Tatsuki: Bitch, APOLOGIZE!
-Not Tatsuki too D:
-Everyone: What a huge weirdo he is.
-Jesus christ on a vespa, this is actually pretty freaky.
-The window apparently being made of sugar mass, Ichigo jumps through it without so much as a single cut. You know, like in real life where you can easily jump through a closed window and not have your face shredded.
-Ichigo: OMFG GOTTA RUN
-UnagiMILF: Get in the car, bitch. I have some substitute mothering slash attempted rape to do, and you are the perfect vulnerable teenager.
-AT THE UNAGI STORE
-UnagiMILF: Stay as long as you want. Have a drink, maybe a bed, some sex...?
-Ichigo: Uh, thanks-
-UnagiMILF realizes you have to be straighforward about these things.
-UnagiMILF: Here. Have some BOOBS. They are guaranteed to make you feel better >8D
-Ichigo: Uh, WTF?
-UnagiMILF: Relax, it will all get better. Now take off your pants.
-Saved by the doorbell, Ichigo gets to keep his treasured virginity. Imagine the horror of a woman like that forcefully taking you!
-UnagiMILF: Curses, foiled again. Who the hell interrupts my man-rape this time?
-Ichigo: MUST. GET OUT.
-UnagiMILF: Oh, it's Tsukishima! Great, let's make it s threesome 8D
-Ichigo:
-Cue more running
-Ichigo: I said this before, but OMGWTFBBQ?!
-Aizenclone: ICHIGO! Tsukishima went Curb Stomp Battle on our collective asses! I am the only one left!
-The fullbringers: So impressive, they were created as an ”original” group of character solely for the purpose of the new villain going Worf Effect on them. Before they even had a chance to fight. Wow, that's REAL impressive
-You know... this chapter was a lot better than every single crap chapter in this arc so far. Credit where credit is due, this one was not too shabby. And in terms of villainy, Tsukishima just hit home in a way Aizen's generic, inefficient evulz never did. Kubo still can thrill, I guess. Of course, ONE good chapter's not going to make up for the bullshit so far.