Halloween omake

It was halloween, the most frightening night of the year, when spirits walk the earth, darkness descends, and greedy little midgets in garish costumes mooch candy off of gullible adults.

Luckily, Japan had no cultural tradition of celebrating this holiday, which was why, to Tatsuki and Orihime, this happened to be a perfectly normal friday the thirteenth. It being a friday though, the two had decided to kick back, get some rest and relaxation, and generally have fun, and so they had at Keigo's party, generously thrown in Mizuiro's apartment and organized by Mizuiro entirely.

It had been a fun few hours, but neither of them were the kind of partygoers who would celebrate all night, so at around midnight, Tatsuki and Orihime decided to head out. After randomly making out with Orihime for no reason other than fan service (and no justification. We're blatant perverts.), the two of them walked out into the night.

"Hey, let's go skinny dipping for some reason!" Orihime chirped. This would have seemed suspiciously convenient, except the reader is urged to remember that Orihime is a very random person.

"Sure." Tatsuki said, shrugging. Skinny dipping with Orihime? Nakedly? Fine by her.
So the two walked to the closest beach, and after encountering only one perfectly normal axe murderer- whose arms were broken in several places for his troubles- the two got to the beach.

As they walked down on the sands, Orihime began to sing.

"It's friday the thirteenth, gotta get killed on Friday!"

"I don't think that's how it goes..."

Undeterred, Orihime kept going. "Friday, friday, gotta get killed on friday! Everybody's looking forward to the slashings, slashings! It's friday the thirteenth, gotta get killed on friday! Everybody's looking forward to the kii-ii-illings!"

Exasperated, Tatsuki decided to just get in the water.

Stripping down and sliding into the water, they swam back and forth, laughing, cheering with the exuberance of youth.

Dun-dunn.

"This was one of your better ideas, Orihime." Tatsuki said. "I mean, it's not as if bathing naked at night has any risks to it.

Dunn-dunn.

"I know!" Orihime exlcaimed. "See, bathing naked was the best idea ever! If this wasn't a fanfic, this would be GREAT for our ratings!"

Dunn-dunn, dunn-dunn.

"I have to admit, this feels good." Tatsuki said, floating on her back.

Dunn-dunn, dunn-dunn, dunn-dun!

Suddenly, Tatsuki reached out, and smacked her fist down into the water, hard. There was a loud "smack", and a large shape could be heard whimpering, swimming away.

"What was that?" Orihimne asked innocently.

"Oh, that was just a great white shark the size of a bus. Pretty easy to spot, just listen to the theme music." Tatsuki said casually.

"Oh, that's what it was!" Orihime cheered. "I just thought I was going insane...er."

Shrugging, Tatsuki got up. While the water was nice and the gigantic sharks kind of harmless, there was rumoured to be a stingray in the area, and stingrays had been cemented as the most badass mofos of the sea as of Steve Irwin's death.

One quick dry later, the two were on their way home, through a park. Of course, this being halloween, the rule of drama would not let them go unaccosted.

Behind them a giant, slimy, tentacled shape crawled out from behind a bush, reaching out a tentacle and...

...it tapped Orihime's shoulder gently.

"Oh, hi mister tentacle monster!" Orihime exclaimed.

"What do you want?" Tatsuki groaned.

"Oh, I have a request to make, if it's not too much trouble." Said the green, dripping tentacle monster, in a rather british voice. "Would you mind terribly if I, ah, were to strip you naked and violate every orifice of your body until you loved it?"

"No. We're lesbian, beat it." Tatsuki said flatly.

"Quite." The monster said, sounding disppointed. "I'll just be on my way, then..." its tentacles sloped downward in disappointment.

"Don't feel too bad, miste tentacle monster!" Orihime chirped. "Maybe you could violate me next weekend? I plan to walk around angsting by myself here then."

"You know what?" Tatsuki said. "I saw a bus full of nubile school girls, age fiteen to eighteen, just a few hundred yards back. You could probably get lucky with a few of them."

"Oh, I do thank you most heartily!" said the tentacle monster, shaking her hand with his tentacle, sliming down her hand. Cheerfully, he slobbered down the path they came from.

"Are there really any schoolgirls there, Tatsuki-chan?" Orihime asked.

"Yeah, but it's not like we have to care. It's not like we have to deal with the emotional trauma!"

"That's true!" Orihime said, laughing out loud.

"Besides, that was Hugh the polite tentacle monster. He flunked rape school because, unlike most tentacle monsters, he has respect for female integrity."

"That's just sad." Orihime said, shaking her head.

The two of them continued down the path. They had not gotten any longer than two hundred yards when the next bad movie cliché hit them. From out the bushes, an enormous, muscular man with a hockey mask and a machete walked out, inexorably towards them in an incredibly frigtening manner...

...frightening for normal teens, at least.

"Geez, what's up with that lame mask?" Tatsuki said, her voice all contempt. The figure took a swing at her, but she sidestepped him with ease. "And what's with those sluggish movements? What are you, specialized in killing helpless teenagers who do not know how to fight back"?

The figure made another slice at her, but Tatsuki ducked, the swing going wide.

"And what's with your fighting style? It's like you watched the matrix one too many times, and thought bullet time looked really cool, and decided to fight like that in real life."

Somehow conveying frustration through body language alone, the masked man made a massive chop towards Tatsuki, who caught him by the wrist, and redirected the blow int a nearby tree, where the machete firmly entrenched itself. Struggling to free his weapon, the masked assailant grunted angrily.

"Okay, this has gone on long enough." Tatsuki said, slamming her fist into the solar plexus of their mysterious attacker. He doubled over, and Tatsuki followed with a brutal series of attacks, punching his ribcage with enough force to quite literally reduce it to a fine paste of blood and shattered bone. Even so, the figure was still standing.

"Stupid movie monster physique." Tatsuki grunted. "You know, your mask sucks, by the way. You're not half the serial killer Hannibal Lecter is. His mask was terrifying for REAL."

The figure took a step towards her. Not letting up, Tatsuki let a roundhouse that would have made Chuck Norris proud fly, and there was a gratifying crunch as his left arm broke in seven places.
Still, the monster stood on his feet, reaching for Tatsuki.

"Okay Orihime, remember what I said the other day about violence?"

"There's no problem you can't solve with it?"

"Precisely! And if force doesn't work, use more force! If that doesn't work, you're not trying hard enough! And if it's a movie monster... KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Her fists burst into flame, her powers activating. "This is a move I learned from reading Deadpool comics. Just you watch!" She declared.

"But Tatsuki-chan, didn't you teach me you should never monologue in combat?" Orihime cut in.

"Well, you can if your enemy moves at the pace of a retarded snail." Tatsuki said. And indeed, the attacker moved at the pace of a turtle chained to a giant iron ball.

"Now, for my special move..." Tatsuki struck a pose, charged, and slammed her fist into the unimpressive movie villain's jaw from below, sending it flying. "SHORYUKEN!" Their attacker flew off into the sky, burning like a torch.

Jimmy the unapologetic shark was feeling under the weather. Normally, preying on teenage girls bathing alone in the dark was such a safe bet, but for once, he had bitten off more than he could swallow. His pride felt hurt, and more importantly, his stomach empty. And humans were so tasty!
Suddenly, there was a huge splash, very near his position. Grinning, Jimmy the unapologetic shark began to circle towards the splash. It might not be soft, delicious girl meat, but he had yet to find a supernatural serial killer he could not digest...